Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
