Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
