there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
