Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
