Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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