Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
