So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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