never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
