okay pat passed out under dana's car
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
