Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
