You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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