Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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