it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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