Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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