I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
