Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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