Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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