Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
