Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
