Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
