new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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