it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I could make wine with my vomit
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
