you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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