that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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