We're like a lot better than the average bears
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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