So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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