I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
