Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
