had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Bring me that man meat
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
