he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
this will be a night to untag.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
