i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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