yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
