Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
