I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
