So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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