drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
