she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
