I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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