I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
