the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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