He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
