thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
