We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
