My room smells like vodka and shame
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
