Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
