Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
