Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
