worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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