I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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