I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
