Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i think i just lost a toe
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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