You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So much rum. So many feels.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
