So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
