In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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