Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
