Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
