You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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