he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
